I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
