I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
