I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
