i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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