My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
