i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize