It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
