i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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