Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
