We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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