Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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