Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
