Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
