Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've blown a few things in my day
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
