he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
