Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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