Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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