i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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