insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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