Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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