After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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