look no pants
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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