I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
