I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
