ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
