I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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