i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
