I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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