The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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