FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
