It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
