Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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