somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
