Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
