he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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