I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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