For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
