Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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