so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
