Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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