You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
