I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
