I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
