Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
