i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i think i just lost a toe
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
