Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
