How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
