saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
