there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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