I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
