new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
