I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
