It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
porn star boner night. come get it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
