This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
