Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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