Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
