was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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