that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize