And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
