is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There are leaves in my underwear?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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