So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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