Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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