im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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