I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
