bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
