I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
