Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Found the puke drawer
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
