It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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