she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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