She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
