He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
