I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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