i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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