OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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