Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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