ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize