I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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